Sustained.

Stripped Away...

2011-05-18T17:29:00.005-04:00

I haven't blogged in a really long time. I could say that I have been too busy lately, but that would be a lie. I could say that things in my life were going so great that blogging took a backseat, but that would be a lie, too. The truth of the matter is that I haven't been inspired. At all. I have laid in bed the last few nights thinking about exactly what I wanted to write. This post today is serving as a way of getting myself out of this deep, dark pit I have been dwelling in for a long time now. There is something freeing about getting your thoughts written down. The last few months have been...can I say "hell"...because that is what it has felt like. There were some things that have gone on in my life that have caused me to truly understand what it means to be heartbroken and hurt. I mean I have been hurt before, but never has my heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. And to add to my personal dilemmas, so many of the people who I love so dearly have been dealing with intense pain. It is hard to understand. It is hard to even begin to move forward when you are stuck in a place where everything seems pointless. That is the place I have been in. For the first time in my life, I have been in a place where I have started to question everything. My faith. My trust in people. My trust in myself. God's plan. The point of my life. I have questioned the significance of everything. I know in my head that we are to trust in the Lord regardless of what is being thrown our way, and I will be the first to remind other people of that who are hurting. But let me tell you, when you are the one who is in pain, it is incredibly hard to cling to that. Where I have gone incredibly wrong is that I have somehow decided that if I become numb to everything going on around me, I will be okay. And everyday I pretend that everything is going wonderfully, life is amazing, and that I am STRONG. The truth is I am broken into a million pieces. I am stripped down to nothingness. And I am tired of acting like I am "Super Christian." And now that I have finally admitted this to myself, I feel God again. I feel Hope again. I feel like God is doing a BIG thing in my life and the lives of my family and friends. I truly believe that God loves us most when we are nothing. His strength is made evident in my weakness. And I am as weak as I have ever been. I know that I have a long road ahead of me. There are still a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of "whys" and "what-ifs". There is still pain in my own heart, and all around me. But I finally feel Hope again. I am excited to see what God is going to do. And I trust that He is going to do something. And soon. He is moving. And it is going to be epic. Be blessed, my friends! Jenn

Praise You...

2011-04-04T21:22:00.005-04:00

I have to say that I love this song, "Shackels" by Mary Mary...I heard it today and it struck a chord in me.

Lord, take the shackels off my feet so I can dance...and PRAISE YOU! Despite the "junk" I am facing...YOU are still good. You are still sovereign. And You still deserve ALL of my praise.

I don't want to miss out on God's mercies and goodness because I am stuck wondering WHY...I want to embrace the place He has set my feet...and I want to PRAISE Him for leading my way- no matter where that path takes me.

"I should praise YOU through my circumstance..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRayKxgePQI

Be blessed! Jenn

Promises, Promises

2011-03-28T19:14:00.003-04:00

Today the words of God seem to sum it up much better than my words ever could. Clinging to these promises EVERYDAY and remembering that my God is much bigger than anything this world could throw at me. Praying you will be encouraged...

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." --1 Peter 5:10

"Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. Let perserverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." --James 1:2-4

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perserverance, character; and character, hope. And HOPE does NOT disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." --Romans 5:2-5

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps NO record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails." --1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Be blessed! Jenn

God of the Impossible

2011-02-03T18:08:00.003-05:00

This morning on my commute to work, I was praying for some very special people, and it hit me that I have been underestimating the power of God. How often do we look at situations in our lives or lives of the people we love, or even just the world and think "there really is no hope"? We think we should just suck it up and accept what is going on around us because in our finite minds, there is no impossible way for it to change. Lately, there has been a particular situation on my mind. In order for things to be "better," it would literally take an amazing act of God. A miracle to fix it. I found myself already accepting that what was done, was done, and nothing could change it. I pray everyday about what is going on. But then I realized that I have gone about it all wrong. Instead of accepting what is in the making, I should be praying for the impossible to happen. Even if it isn't God's will- HE IS CAPABLE! The Lord is able to do all things, even if my brain can never figure out how in the world He is going to do it! If we don't have hope in the Lord's power, what are we left with? Trust in the Lord--and believe that what seems to be impossible to us, is possible to Him! Be encouraged, friends! Jenn

Stuck in a Rut...

2011-01-31T18:19:00.002-05:00

Can I be completely honest? The last month(s), I feel like I have been stuck. Do you ever feel like that? I have been struggling with doubt, self-image, being a good wife and friend, sadness, stress...etc. etc. The list could quite frankly go on and on and on. I guess you could say I have been a little down and out. I think this post can go hand in hand with my last post about Satan's stance in our lives. Not only do I get distressed with the problems I have going on in my own life, but I am so burdened by other people's problems, too. I tend to dwell on the things I have absolutely NO control over. Satan feeds into that...this I know for sure. Sometimes I feel as if he is sucking the energy right out of me. WHY DO I KEEP LETTING SATAN STEAL MY JOY??? I don't want to wake up every morning just wishing I could go back to sleep. I don't want to constantly feel like I am a failure when I know in God's eyes, I am a treasure. I don't want to give up hope in situations where I know that God has the power to change things. I don't want to worry about every detail of my life. I just don't... So, today, I am pledging to myself that I will let the "joy of the Lord BE MY STRENGTH." I am a child of God, and His spirit of JOY floods my soul. I am choosing JOY!

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in YOUR presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." --Psalm 16:11

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." --Psalm 28:7

Be encouraged!

Jenn

Satan's Death Grip...

2011-01-26T17:51:00.003-05:00

I realize by reading the name of my blog post you may be thinking..."Oh, this should be interesting." I am writing from my heart today. The Lord has brought so much to light in my own life the last few months, and it's time I share what He has reminded me of. When you hear the word "Satan" or maybe "The Devil," what do you think of? I must admit that although I am aware of the Devil's "realness," I often dismiss him as the little red guy with the pointy ears and tail. Sometimes, he is more like a mystical character in my head. Just a make believe character. In the last few months, I have been reminded of Satan's "realness." In my own little world, I forgot the power Satan can have over people's lives. I have seen him at work lately--and it troubles me. I have even seen him creeping into my own mind- filling me with fear and lies. I am writing this post in hopes that we will all be aware of Satan's deception in our lives. The Bible tells us in John 10:10 that the theif comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. Notice that it doesn't just say that Satan is coming to mess with your life a bit or make you miserable for a couple of days. It says he is out to DESTROY our lives. Everyday we face spiritual warfare, and it is REAL. If we are in the Word, and living like Christ has called us to, our "deception" radars will help keep us from falling into the grip of Satan. We must remain on our guard every day. In Ephesians 4:27 it says, "Do not give the devil a foothold." Satan can weasel his way into our lives if we even let him in just a bit and before you know it, you will end up on a road you really don't want to be on. I will leave you with this verse: "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." --Ephesians 6: 11-13 Be Encouraged and Blessed! Jenn

I did it!

2011-01-12T17:06:00.002-05:00

Well, friends, I realize I haven't posted in several months. Life has been a crazy whirlwind since I started teaching again, but I am ready to be more diligent about blogging! This year has started off with me accomplishing a goal that I honestly thought would never be possible... This past summer, my athletic husband somehow convinced me to train and run in the Disney Half Marathon. Yes, that is 13.1 miles. Now, I will say that I am pretty decent at most sports, but I have never been much of a runner. Really, the thought of running...ME running...was enough to make me laugh out loud. We had to register several months in advance , so I decided to go for it. We registered, and there was no turning back! The training started, and honestly most days it was a challenge for me to get motivated about going for a run. In the beginning, a mile was tough for me (yes, I know that is pitiful...). As time went on, I began to get into better shape, and my pace picked up. There were the rare days that I really enjoyed my run, but most days were a struggle. There were days when I was defeated and thought "I can never run 13.1 miles, I should just give up." If it weren't for the $140 entry fee I had already paid, I may have :) Prayer got me through many of my runs. The day finally came for the race- last Saturday. I was nervous, and anxious, and excited. When we got to Disney at 3:30 in the morning (yes, I said 3:30-that's not a typo), there were people EVERYWHERE! I was so pumped. There were over 27,000 people running that day. It was amazing to me. There were people of all shapes and sizes, some professional runners, some power walkers, and some people just like me. Fireworks went off, and our race was on its way. I was amazed at how much FUN I was having. I can honestly say I didn't start feeling tired until about the 9th or 10th mile. I couldn't believe my body was running like that. It could have been the adrenaline, or the loud music, or all of the people running beside me-but I was having a blast! The last few miles were rough. My good ole cheerleading knees were starting to ache and my feet were tired, but I kept pushing through. It was the most amazing feeling in the world when I saw the finish line, and crossed it! I was seriously about to bawl my eyes out because I had finished! I DID IT! This may sound crazy, but this race changed my life. This was a time in my life that I decided to do something that intimidated me, and challenged me, and I was successful! It just makes me wonder what else I am capable of! The Lord was so incredibly faithful to help me through the race. I give Him the glory! This year, do something that challenges you- I mean really challenges you- and go for it! You are capable of anything you set you mind to! Be blessed! Jenn

Blessings...

2010-07-24T17:26:00.003-04:00

I thought I would take this time to update you guys about all of the wonderful things that have been occurring in my life recently. I have been filled with such joy and excitement lately and cannot believe how the Lord has been blessing me and David's lives! My new job teaching starts in a couple of weeks! I am beyond thrilled. Because my job is in Jacksonville (an hour commute from where we live now) and David is still in school here in St. Augustine, we decided that we would move somewhere between here and there. Last weekend, we decided we would go look around. Things weren't looking so good as far as apartments went. There just wasn't much offered at the "halfway" mark. We finally decided to check out some apartments that are conveniently positioned right beside the outlet mall (a girl's dream right?) and two seconds from the interstate that takes me straight to work. We assumed that they would be too expensive for us, so I stayed in the car and made David go in and check. Turns out they were in our price range, they had 2 apartments available, AND the amenities were awesome. Huge pool, really nice workout room complete with free tanning (would be nice if I tanned), a pool table, a movie theater room, etc. etc. We were overjoyed to say the least! Then we found out we could move in two weeks later--which is perfect timing. Gives me a week to unpack before I start work! Another huge blessing is that if we would have gone a couple of days later, the price would have increased past what we could afford. So, next Saturday we are moving in!! God is so good. Because we are moving, we decided to have a garage sale. This was an adventure for sure. It takes a lot more work than I thought to put together a garage sale, and we managed to do it in one LONG day! We ended up getting rid of almost everything we wanted to see go (which means no packing it up for me!) and made some extra cash. Always a plus! There were a lot of older people who came by, and I so enjoyed my conversations with them. It was a success! With the money we made, David and I decided to buy some new running shoes. Why you ask? Well, he somehow talked me into running a half marathon. Only because you run it THROUGH DISNEY WORLD! I must say, I am by no means a "good runner." When I think about me actually running 13.1 miles, it kind of makes me laugh, but I think it will be good for me to do. Not only will I be training with my hubby, but it will be a great experience for us to have together. I am looking forward to learning some discipline as well. I know that I can do it and if I succeed, it will be a MAJOR accomplishment for me! So, those are the current happenings of the Raney's. We are so blessed beyond belief--I am so grateful to serve a God who always provides--and goes above and beyond our expectations! Be blessed! Jenn

An End. And a Beginning.

2010-07-15T20:25:00.003-04:00

It has been forever since I last posted. Mainly because I have just gotten out of the swing of this blogging thing. I am going to try to be more diligent at writing. In the past few months, a lot has changed in my life. Many of you know that before I married the love of my life, I was a Kindergarten teacher. I loved teaching. It gave me such satisfaction to be able to work with children and to teach them what would be the foundational concepts of their whole entire educational career. I also loved the relationships I formed with the children I worked with. I know without a doubt that the Lord called me into teaching...it is one of the few things I am sure of in life :) Since I know what the Lord has called me to do, I was sure He would provide a teaching job for me when I got married and moved to Saint Augustine. I put my faith in the Lord, and counted on Him to provide the perfect teaching job for me. And almost a year later...He has once again proved Himself to be faithful. I went through many months wondering why the Lord didn't give me the job I knew I was created for right when I wanted/needed it...and honestly this whole year I have had this emptiness in my heart because I felt like I wasn't doing what the Lord intended for me to do. Little did I know that I was so wrong. The Lord placed me right where I was supposed to be...and it has taken me almost a year to understand why He did what He did. I was thankful that the Lord provided me with a job at a daycare this year. I mean, a job is a job. When I first started, I felt defeated from the get-go. I dealt with a lot of things that I had never faced before. I wanted to quit everyday, and pleaded that the Lord would just give me a job teaching in a school. After reflecting over the last several months, I have come to realize that I was in the place God wanted me to be for so many reasons. I have learned so much about humbleness. And putting others above my self. I have learned that keeping a positive attitude, even when I felt like screaming or crying or pulling out my hair, makes a huge difference. I have learned how to deal with situations that made me uncomfortable. I have learned to cling to the Lord and count on Him every single second of the day. I have learned so much about myself in the last several months--about what I am capable of and about keeping my focus on my purpose in life--and that is showing Christ to others. Teaching is a great calling, but first and foremost my job is to show others the love of Christ. I was so blessed to work with some amazing women who are doing great things with their lives and have the potential to do even GREATER things. I was blessed to work with some great kids who will always hold a place in my heart. Tomorrow is my last day working at the daycare, and it is truly bittersweet for me. I am sad to leave behind people I have grown to love, but so excited that God was so faithful in providing me a job doing what I LOVE to do (I get to teach KINDERGARTEN AGAIN!!!). Nothing is more beautiful than going through the storm, and seeing the sunshine on the other side. I am thankful for the struggles. "Hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who has promised is faithful"- Hebrews 10:23 Be blessed, my friends. Jenn

Time to Set Some GOALS...

2010-05-11T23:06:00.002-04:00

I have to start out by saying that I have never been too great at sticking with things. Sad, I know. There are goals I have reached like getting through college, living on my own, teaching little kids--and I am very proud of myself for reaching those goals. But there are so many more goals I have for myself that I haven't even come close to reaching, or in some cases, haven't even attempted to reach them. For a while now, I have been feeling pretty unhappy with myself. I feel like I have lost who I am in a sense. There are several things that need to change in my life that will be for my own good (and for the good of my sweet hubby who somehow puts up with me). There are a lot of things that are hindering me from "living my best life" so to say, and I am pretty tired of living that way. I know at this point in my life, I am not living up to the life that I know Christ has planned for me. My very wise and Godly sister-in-law, Christy, did something she called "A New Me in 60," where she set goals and really sought after what God wanted for her. This has inspired me to set some goals of my own--on the road to a new, refreshed, joyous ME! So, because I am not so good at sticking to things, I need my sweet friends to keep me accountable, and that is why I am sharing my goals with you. I need your encouragement and prayers! Here is my list (which I am sure will grow...)... **Spend at least 30 minutes a day with Jesus in prayer, meditation, and Bible study** Sadly, this is challenging for me. I pray everyday. I read my Bible everyday. BUT half the time my mind is in a million different places. I need to learn the art of meditating and focusing what the Lord is trying to show me. Learning how to "Be still..." will be hard for me. **Worry Less...** This will be the hardest goal of all. I have always struggled with worry. I have decided that I am going to create a "Worry Box" where I write down what I am worrying about, pray about it, stick it in the box, and don't look at it until long after I wrote it. Sort of a visual to what the Lord wants us to do with our worries and our burdens. I think it will be cool to look back through my box in, say, a year, and see how God has been faithful. **Work out 3 times a week** I am the absolute worst at working out. David and me have talked about how important it is that we work out to keep our bodies healthy. It is important for us to begin taking care of ourselves now so that years down the road, our bodies will be healthier. Also, working out is good for our mental health...aka stress...which I need less of! **Be a more LOVING wife** Sometimes I feel like I am slacking big time when it comes to being a Godly wife. I love my husband more than anything on this planet, but I am not always so good at showing him that in my actions and words. I often let the stresses of my life rule me and my emotions, and that ends up negatively affecting my husband. I am a LONG way from the woman described in Proverbs 31. That's all for now. Thank you ahead of time for your prayers and encouragement. I will keep you posted on how this journey goes! Be blessed! Jenn

Mother's Day...

2010-05-09T19:33:00.003-04:00

I know it has been an eternity since I last posted. I honestly haven't been too inspired to write lately--until today! Thank goodness...I needed some inspiration! Today is Mother's Day. I will start out by saying that I have been TRULY BLESSED to have such an amazing person to be my mom! My mom is such an awesome example of what a great, Godly mother looks like. I have always had a pretty unique relationship with my mother. She is my mom, yes, but she is also one of my best friends. I have the best of both worlds. The thing I have always admired about my mom is that she has always been my "mother" first and foremost. Sometimes growing up, this may not have made me the happiest--especially at times when I didn't get what I wanted. But now I admire her so much for sticking to what she believed was best for my well being, even when I couldn't see it! As the years have passed, my mom has still been my "mother" but has also become so much more than that! She is the person who has listened to me cry when my heart was breaking, and she is the person who was there for the most exciting, joyous times of my life. She has taught me SO much about life. I owe so much to her. I couldn't have asked God for a more amazing woman to be my mom! Today, at church, a girl sang a song dedicated to her mother. I was surged by emotion and thought I was going to sob my eyes out. I couldn't keep my tears in. They were tears of gratitude for what my mom has done for me...they were tears of sadness because I couldn't be with her on Mother's day...but they were also tears of excitement. Tears of excitement...may seem weird. But as I sat there listening to the song, I thought about how amazing it will be to be a mother! Anyone who knows me well will probably know that I could honestly care less about a career or bringing in lots of money. I want to be a wife and a mom. I have always dreamed about it. Half of my dream has come true. I am blessed to be the wife of my favorite person on the planet. I look so forward to the day when I can become a mom! Before that day comes, I still have a lot of growing I need to do. I have a lot of learning I need to do. What a huge responsibility mother's have-but what a blessing! I am so blessed to know so many Godly women who are amazing Godly mothers and wives who I can learn from and seek advice from. To all you mothers out there-- Happy Mother's Day! May God bless you as you raise your family! Be blessed! Jenn

Love Challenge...

2010-03-07T19:26:00.003-05:00

So...I know I mentioned in an earlier post that my New Year's "goal" was to become more like Christ. More like Him in action, thought, and heart. This is not always an easy task...which is why I daily ask for guidance in this journey. All this being said, the Lord has been revealing one thing me over and over lately. It's hit me like a ton of bricks. Love. Such a small word--but it's a huge action (and an action that does not always come so naturally)! God has really been "tweaking" my heart lately about what it means to love. I could say that I am a loving person--but a lot of the times I love when it's easy. It is easy to love my husband. It is easy to love my family. But what about that person who thrives on negativity? What about that person who is dirty and poor? What about that person who hurts me over and over? It's not so easy to love in those circumstances. What I have come to realize is that I am all of those people I mentioned above. I am hard to love. How many times have I been negative and didn't fully trust in the Lord's provision? How many times have I been filthy with sin? How many times have I made my Savior cry because I have strayed away? The simple fact is this: God loves me. Period. He loves me always...unconditionally...wholly...faithfully... If it is my goal to be like Christ...I must love always...unconditionally...wholly...faithfully...Even when it seems impossible! After all, it is my job to share Christ with others and further His kingdom. If God is love, and I show others love, then in the end they get a glimpse of God. My prayer and challenge is that I will learn how to love like Christ. I have a long way to go...but the Lord is changing my heart and it's exciting! Be blessed... Jenn

Don't Lose Hope...

2010-01-22T21:38:00.003-05:00

"Don't lose hope..." "Put your hope in the Lord..." These are words I have been uttering to myself a lot lately. These are words I have shared with others lately. How easy it seems for us to lose hope. Tradgedies, sickness, death, hate...sadness, loss, pain, hurt...all things that can steal our hope away from us. I would be untruthful if I said there were never a time in my own life where I lost all hope or felt like giving up. Sadly, there have been many. I can honestly say, that even in these dark times where I feel like all hope is lost, the Lord restores hope in my life. He proves to be faithful over and over again. I am blessed to be a child of God. I have often wondered how people survive without Christ. How do they get through life's tough times? Because I believe in a God much bigger than myself, I am learning to truly cling to hope. I am holding on with all that I am. Sometimes my hope in the Lord is all that can get me through. Without it, I don't know where I would be. I choose to put my hope in the Lord because He knows my every thought and has ordained all of my days before they came to be (Psalm 139). I choose to put my hope in the Lord because He is FAITHFUL. I choose to put my hope in Him because He "works for the GOOD of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28). I choose to put my hope in the Lord, because in the end HE wins. Be hopeful in the Lord, even when it seems impossible, because He loves you! "Let us hold UNSWERVINGLY to the HOPE we profess, for He who has promised IS FAITHFUL!" ---Hebrews 10:23 Be blessed! Jenn

Forgetting...

2010-01-16T17:18:00.002-05:00

I have never really been one to forget things. I rarely ever forgot my homework when I was in school. I hardly ever forget where I put my keys. I don't forget what people say to me very often. I guess you could say that I make mental notes in my head a lot. The last couple days I have had to almost laugh at myself because I have just been so forgetful and distracted. I was attempting to go to the store the other day, and literally had to get out of my car and go back into the house 3 different times because I forgot stuff that I needed. My husband was here, and thought it was pretty funny. The best thing I have done occurred this morning. I was in the shower shaving my legs, and I guess I got distracted. By what, I have no idea. I was putting moisturizer on later on in the morning, and realized that only one of my legs was shaved. Only one. I thought it was hilarious. Pretty cute only having one leg shaved and the other one all prickly. I think a lot of times in life we get distracted by "unimportant" things, and it causes us to forget. We forget the important things in life that really matter. We forget to take time to call up our friends and family to let them know we love them. We forget to spend time with the Lord. We forget to pray. We forget because we are distracted by the other things in life that are being thrown at us. Satan thrives on distracting us. He throws obstacles at us, tells us lies, and fills our thoughts with worries. When he distracts us--we fall into his trap and fall away from the Lord. Watch out for the distractions that are thrown your way. Focus on not forgetting the important things in life :) Be blessed! Jennifer

How is it 2010 already?

2010-01-07T19:26:00.004-05:00

I am such a slacker when it comes to blogging! Well, here we are with a new year ahead of us. I cannot believe it is already 2010...so weird! I am at the point that I am at every year where I have a hard time writing the correct date...I am still stuck in 2009. I am happy that 2009 is over with. It was an amazing year, but a crazy one at the same time. It is always nice to have a new beginning. I need some refreshment in my life. It gives us all a chance to reprioritize and reorganize. A little update on our holiday season: It was amazing! We spent Christmas in Brewton and New Years in Pensacola, therefore getting to see EVERYONE we loved! I have missed my family so much. I have missed Pensacola so much. There is so much to be said about familiarity. Something in me just automatically became joyful when I was where I consider to be "home." I feel like I have been so far from "familiar" that it was refreshing to be around what/who I know and love. One of the highlights of our Christmas was getting a Wii from my parents and some pretty awesome Wii games from David's family. I have wanted one for a long time, but never expected to get one! I am pretty much in love with our Wii! David and I have so much fun playing it together, and competing against one another (by the way, I win MOST of the time!). Now that I have caught up on life...a little about what God is teaching me! I know it may have been evident in several of my past blogs that I was seriously struggling with this season of my life. I was questioning everything and losing faith. I was so anxious that it was making me sick, and I seriously thought something was wrong with me. For a while, I wondered where God was...why wasn't He listening to me? I finally just gave in...and God took over. He has filled me with so much PEACE and JOY! I am feeling like Jenn again...and not like this person who is losing her mind! Satan was getting to me, but I am sooo thankful that I serve a God who reigns supreme! Last weekend, when we were in Pensacola, we were able to go to our church, Liberty Church, which is ALWAYS a blessing. I have never left that building not being moved or encouraged! My brother-in-law, Amick, is the worship leader there. During worship, he said something that hit me hard. He talked about how we all make resolutions to lose weight, or get our finances in order, or whatever...but then he said WHY DON'T WE MAKE IT OUR GOAL FOR THIS YEAR TO BECOME MORE LIKE CHRIST? That is my ultimate prayer for this year. To be more like Christ. To listen more intently to what He is saying. To take the time to study His word. To spend time talking to Him everyday. To trust and seek Him in everything. To lose my life so that I may live. What are your goals for the New Year? Praying peace and good health on all of you this this New Year! Be blessed! Jenn

Christmas is almost here!

2009-12-23T22:42:00.002-05:00

So, right now I should be packing, but I am avoiding it. What better way to do that than to catch up on my blog. It has been a long time since I have last written! December has been a pretty crazy month for both me and the hubby. I think I am finally adjusting to my new job. I have my good days, and my not so good days--but all in all I am thankful that God has provided me with a job! David (after two weeks of final exams) is finally on a break, which means I get to have my husband back for a while. It is hard having your spouse in school, especially around the end of the semester. I literally didn't see him for like two weeks. He was either at school or stuck in our office studying! There was a lot of stress those two weeks--him being stressed out just makes me stressed out, but God was so good and helped David survive his tests! He did great and finished the semester strong...I am so proud of him! We have definitely enjoyed being able to spend some time together! We added a new addition to our family after a lot of consideration. We have a new puppy named Duke. He is an eight month old Boston Terrier with a great personality! I must admit, I have never really liked Boston Terriers--their buggy eyes kind of freak me out--but I guess Duke is okay. David may love him more than he loves me :) Kitty is still adjusting to not being the only pet...but him and Duke are beginning to play together. I love our little family :) Tomorrow, David and me are heading to Brewton to spend Christmas with my family! I am so excited about seeing them, and getting to spend some time with them. It is going to be great! I hope that everyone has a very BLESSED and happy Christmas with their families! May God bless you all, and may we all be thankful for why we celebrate Christmas in the first place! Jenn

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

2009-12-02T22:35:00.002-05:00

December is here, believe it or not. I have to admit that this fact makes me slightly giddy! I absolutely love this time of the year. How could you not? Christmas decorations, pretty lights, Santa Clause, singing Christmas tunes, family traditions, and most importantly--taking time to reflect on the birth of our Savior. The other day, I decorated our home for the holidays, which brought me so much happiness. As I decorated, I thought about the story of Christ's birth, and although I have read it a million times, I had to read it again. The story of Christ's birth is almost magical to me. It is one of those stories that draws you in. And the amazing thing about it is that it is completely true and factual! How powerful our God is! As I read the story, I thought about Mary's character. What an amazing woman she was! She may be one of my favorite characters in the Bible. Honestly, if I would have been in her position, I would have probably said, "God, are you crazy?" and ran the other direction! Mary was a true example of what a servant of God looks like. When the angel informed Mary of God's plan for her, she didn't grumble...she didn't question "Why me, Lord" but instead she replied "I am the Lord's servant...May it be according to Your word" (Luke 1:18). There have been many times in my own life where I wish I would have had the attitude of Mary. There are times when I have felt the Lord leading me to do something, but fear and lack of faith stopped me. I feel like sometimes I almost argue with God like a child-- "But why?" or "Please don't ask me to do this!" If only I had had Mary's spirit of servanthood. It is good to read on in the story. God asked something great of Mary--and He never once left her out to dry. He took care of her and blessed her with HIS Son! We have to remember that as God's children--He will do the same for us. May we always strive to say, " I am the Lord's servant..." Be Blessed! Jenn

Blessings...

2009-11-18T14:57:00.002-05:00

It's November, which means that one of my favorite holidays is coming up...Thanksgiving! I have always loved Thanksgiving--the smells of all of the yummy food, the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, and my Daddy's amazing fried turkey covered in my Mom's cranberry sauce made from scratch. I love having a day that is devoted to focusing on what we are thankful for. I love having a day devoted to spending time with people you love (and stuffing your faces!). I wish everyday were like Thanksgiving day. How great would it be if every single day we focused only on what we were thankful for? So often, it is so much easier to focus on the things we don't have or the things that are making us unhappy. I am guilty of this on more days than not. The other day I was out running errands when I saw a homeless man on the side of the road. He was old, and you could tell that he had led a hard life. He looked like he had lost all hope. At that moment--I felt so convicted for all of the complaining I had been doing. I am so incredibly blessed. If nothing else, I am blessed because I am a child of God--who gave His son for me. Take the time to focus on the things you are thankful for. I am so thankful for an amazing husband, amazing family, and amazing friends. I am thankful that I have a job that brings in money to support me and David. I am thankful that I just found out that I am going to be an aunt (AGAIN!). I am thankful that my best friend just got engaged to a great man that I know will take care of her. So many things to be thankful for...I could write a book. As the old hymn says, " Count your blessings, name them one by one...count your blessings, see what God has done..." Be blessed, friends. Jenn

If You want me to...

2009-11-15T15:15:00.003-05:00

Any of you who know me know that I love music. Music is like therapy. Have you ever heard a song that sums up everything you are thinking and feeling? I can often hear a song, and remember a certain period in my life where that particular song held a lot of meaning to me. I thought about what I wanted to write today, what I wanted to share about what is going on in my life, and the only way I could think to express it was through one of my favorite songs of all times, If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens. The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear. And I don't know the reason, why You brought me here. But just because you love me, the way that you do, I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to. Because I'm not who I was when I took my first step And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet. So, if all of these trials bring me closer to You I will go through the fire if You want me to. It may not be the way I would have chosen But You lead me through a world that's not my home. But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone. So when the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cry for help I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through And I will go through the valley, if You want me to. I often wonder how people survive without Christ. There have been many days where I wonder, "What's the point?" but then I am reminded that I have hope in the Lord. I have a book full of His promises, that will remain no matter what this world is throwing at me. And at times when I feel like giving up, He shows Himself to me. The struggles of this world are always here and are ever present, but Christ has overcome the world. Be blessed! Jennifer

Stillness...

2009-11-03T21:07:00.003-05:00

Well, sorry for the lack of blogging lately. My life has been a bit on the chaotic side. I travelled to Tennessee for a long weekend to see Mrs. Lauren Vanderburg tie the knot and started a new job. I have had various other tasks going on (laundry, cooking, cleaning...haha) that keep me busy. Enough of that...time to write. Lately, the words "Be still and know that I am God," have been prevelant in my thoughts. Being still means to stop. To turn everything else off, and just know that God is God. He is the One who is in control of every moment of my life. I must admit that I am no good at being still. It is physically a challenge for me. Even when I am "relaxing," my mind is still going nonstop. It is a challenge to just be still not only physically, but mentally. I have realized how much I NEED God in control of everything. I have realized how much I NEED quiet, STILL time with Him. I am struggling with contentment, and struggling with so many "why" questions--and more often than not--I don't take the time to be still and talk to the Lord about it. Why is it such a challenge to be still? The other day, David and I were driving back from the big town of Orange Springs, FL, and the car was quiet. My thoughts immediately turned to my life. I have to be honest and say that I am so happy to be married and thankful for an amazing husband, but I am having a hard time being away from family and friends in this new place that I not too fond of. I miss having a support system of people who constantly encourage me and help me to grow in my faith. I find myself sinking into this hole so often--this hole of sadness and feeling kind of lost. But as I sat in the car thinking about all this, the Lord reminded me of the millions of things I should be thankful for. He reminded me of how far He has brought me, and although things may be tough right now, He is here for me. He has me right where I am right this second for some purpose. In those brief moments of stillness, the Lord completely comforted me and changed my whole outlook on my life. I am feeling His strength and love more than ever--and feel as if I am ready to do whatever He asks of me. I must always remember that He has a purpose for all things--even when I can't see what it is! Don't give up those still moments with the Lord for anything...take the time to remember who God is. Be blessed! Jenn

A Night to Remember...

2009-10-11T11:21:00.002-04:00

My 25th birthday was last Friday. It really was a great day. My hubby spoiled me, and we spent the whole day together (which doesn't happen often, unfortunately). We decided to end my birthday by going to eat at Chili's for dinner. We had actually planned on cooking dinner, but because something came up, we decided last minute to go out to eat. Little did we know that God had us there at the time He did for a purpose. It became a day that will not be soon forgotten by either me or David. Because it was a Friday night, the restaurant was packed, forcing David and me to wait outside. As we were sitting outside chit chatting about life, a man came raging out of the restaurant dragging his little girl by the arm with a painful force. He was screaming horrible things to her--he was saying, "I am going to beat your f****** a**" over and over again as he dragged her to their car, which was positioned right in the front, for all to see. As he shoved her in the car, he said that he would "beat her f****** body to the graveyard." At that moment, my husband ran over to the car and grabbed the man off of the girl. My heart was racing as the man screamed profanitites at my brave husband and threatened to have him put in jail for assault. He told David to mind his own business. But he made it our business when he came out screaming and hurting his young girl. Everyone outside watched in amazement. The manager came out and was asking everyone what was going on, and we thought that she was calling the police--but sadly we never saw the police. I think that I got a huge dose of reality that night. I like to think that our world is good. That people are good. But then you see something like that, you realize how much sin and evil is in our world. I know that there are a lot of people in our world who are good, but Satan has a strong hold on our society. It is scary. As things calmed down, we finally went in to eat. I couldn't get through dinner without crying my eyes out. I was hurting so much for that sweet little girl. No child should ever be treated and humiliated like she was. Whether he was going to hit her or not, his words to her were piercing, hurtful, and threatening and I keep hearing them in my head. David and I keep reliving the moment over and over. I am so proud of my husband for standing up for that little girl. While everyone else watched, my husband took a stand. Pray for this little girl. Pray for her parents. It frightened me to think what this man would do to this innocent child behind closed doors. He had so much anger in his voice. Our children are under attack, and we need to be praying for them. We need to fight for them. If we won't, who will? Be blessed! Jenn

Life as I know it...

2009-10-06T15:45:00.002-04:00

Well, somehow it is already October. I must say that October is my favorite month. It just screams FALL! I love this time of the year. It might be my favorite. This month in particular is going to be full of goodness, which I am so excited about! In a few days, I turn 25! I love birthdays...particularly other people's more than my own, but I am thankful I was born--thanks Mom and Dad! I am still trying to figure out how I am already 25...weird! I always tend to reflect on how far God has brought me on my birthday. It is so awesome to see how He worked everything out, brought me through the rough times, and blessed me in SOOO many ways. My year of being 24 was amazing--I got married to the man of my dreams, had a lot of fun times with my wonderful family, gained a brand new amazing family, and moved to a new place! God is so good. I should never complain! I plan on making my 25th year of life one of purpose and joy! Next week, I get the pleasure of being in one of my best friend's weddings! I have always loved weddings, but now that I am actually married, I love them so much more! I get to travel all the way to Tennessee, where you can actually tell its Fall, and see all of my best friends! I am definitely looking forward to some girlfriend time. I feel like it is such a blessing seeing your friends get married. I am excited for my friend to know the joy of marriage. It's going to be a beautiful, fun day! I am starting my new job hopefully this week. Bye bye monotonous days! I am so looking forward to being around kids again...I miss that! I am praying that God will use me in the job He has provided me with! Anyways, October is going to be full of good times! God is good! Be blessed! Jenn

Answers...

2009-09-30T16:34:00.002-04:00

One of the things I love most in life is seeing God work! To look back and see God's hand. To see that He has been there the whole time orchestrating something amazing. I love seeing and hearing how God is working in the lives of others. There is no way that I could ever walk apart from God--no matter what I have been through or what I have done, He is the one who will always be there. I love it when God shows up and totally rocks your world. I feel like for the last few months I was really struggling because I had no idea what God was up to with my life. I felt like I was having one of those "in the valley" experiences where I didn't necessarily "feel" God. I knew He was there and I knew that He was working, but I wanted to have answers. I told myself not to lose hope, because I know that my God isn't going to lead me anywhere that I can't handle. I spent a lot of time praying for answers concerning a job, hardships in my family, my emotions, and my marriage. I have always been taught that God always answers your prayers...sometimes you just have to wait. Eww...I hate that word..wait. I have never been good at that! Not too long ago, I wrote a post about "giving it all to God"...and I wrote how I finally TRULY gave my worries to the Lord. And then something amazing happened... God did not waste any time in blessing me. A few days after praying and giving my burdens to God, He blessed me with a job that really could not be any better! I will have great hours and will still be working with kids and planning lessons. The stuff I LOVE! Another great thing happened... I hope my mom doesn't mind if I share this, but she has been dealing with a lot of pain and anger and hurt because of several situations in her family. If anyone knows my mom, she is bubbly and happy a good portion of the time. She is probably my favorite person on the planet. She and my dad are the ones who truly taught me what love was. Anyways, it hurt me that she was hurting, and there wasn't anything I could do to take it away from her. So, I prayed that God would do it for me. My mom called me yesterday, and told me that for the first time in a long time she was so excited about what God was doing. She said that He was taking away that pain, and filling her with joy again. He was teaching her, and she was being open to being taught. I was so excited--and amazed at God once again! We are all blessed everyday. If we look for God in our everyday lives, we will see Him. Remember to keep hoping in the Lord, and keep praying. He hears you! Be Blessed! Jenn

Accountability...

2009-09-28T10:31:00.003-04:00

Have you ever encountered someone who is a "convenient Christian"...someone who only represents Christ when it seems convenient for them? Forgive me if I rant and rave a bit on this blog, but this is something that has been weighing heavy on my mind for a while. I sometimes wonder if people understand what it really means to follow Christ. What ever happened to "fearing" God? When did we become so tolerant of doing things that are not representing Christ the way He deserves to be represented? I know that I am not the perfect Christian by any means. I AM NOT EVEN CLOSE. But I can honestly say that I really do strive to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God. I realize that my actions not only affect me, but others around me. There have been times in my life where it would have been a lot easier for me to "follow the crowd", but I knew that my witness would have been ruined. There are people in my life right now that I love tremendously who are Christians, but I rarely see Christ reflected in their actions or choices. This bothers me. It bothers me to know that they are living their OWN lives, apart from God--they are missing out on a lot of joy and comfort, guidance and peace. It bothers me that they think they can do what is "fun" now, and worry about their relationship with God later. I know Christ's love, and I know what is feels like to be in His presence. I want the people I love to have that too. I want them to realize that the things in this world truly are temporary--that the choices we make everyday matter--that we are NOT invincible. Every second matters. In Revelation, God says He will spit the lukewarm out of His mouth. I don't want anyone I love to be in that situation. Now, I also realize that I may be to blame for some of this. It is my responsiblity to keep others accountable and I need that accountability as well. I know there are many times where I see one of my brothers or sisters in Christ heading away from what is right, and I am so worried about upsetting them or stepping on their toes, that I don't say anything. I just let them fall away from the Lord. What kind of person does that make me? Quite honestly, I am tired of worrying what someone is going to think of me. I am tired of keeping my mouth shut. My prayer is that God would give me loving ways to keep my friends and my family accountable. I am very blessed to have people in my life who keep me accountable. They call me out on the "junk" in my life, and there are times when it hurts my feelings or I get defensive, but deep down I know they are right. I know that I needed to hear it. I don't really know where to end with this. Just remember that we have a responsibility to one another to keep each other accountable. We have a responsibility to pray for one another. We have a responsibility to love one another. Be blessed! Jenn

Childlike Faith...

2009-09-21T14:43:00.002-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I love kids. I love the way their little brains work. I love the things they say. I love their innocence. Oh to be a child again. There are days when I long to just be a kid again. David and I were talking about this the other day. It was fun to think back to a time when our biggest concern was what we were going to play when we got home from school or what we were having for snack. Life was simple then. Hard to believe that there was a time in my life when I had absolutely no worries.

Last week, I kept randomly singing children's "Sunday School" songs--for example "He's got the whole world in His hands..." or "Rise and shine, and give God the glory..." or "This is the day that the Lord has made..." I love those songs. I have no idea why they kept popping into my head, but I realized that it made me happy to sing these simple--truthfilled tunes.

I started thinking about what it means to have "childlike faith." Have you ever heard a little kid talk about God? It is a beautiful and humbling thing. With kids, they just seem to believe. They don't argue the facts or analyze every aspect of every occurance in their lives. They just believe in Jesus. I feel like sometimes, as adults, we get so caught up in the why's or why nots of life. We forget to focus on the simple facts about Christ- that He loved us and died for us. It is all that other "stuff" in our lives that sometimes overshadows the simplicity of having a relationship with Christ.

Just something to think about. It's refreshing to approach Christ with a childlike faith. After all, we are His children. I hope that all of those sweet little childhood songs get stuck in your head as a reminder that accepting Christ's love is simple!

Be blessed!

Jenn

God-given Passion...

2009-09-16T13:04:00.003-04:00

What are you passionate about? Have you ever really thought about it? I love that God gives us spiritual gifts, but He also gives us things that we are passionate about. He gives us things that we love and can't live without. I think that I could often guess other people's passions just by observing their lives. My husband, for example, is passionate about helping others. It honestly just comes naturally to him. He would not think twice about helping someone else. I love this about him. That is ultimately why he is pursuing a career in Physical Therapy-to help and love others. I have several friends who have a huge passion for missions. They want to minister to people of other cultures and other religions. God has equipped them for this. Now for my passion... I don't have to sit and think long and hard about what my passion is. I have always known. I am desperately, completely, wholeheartedly passionate about music and singing. According to my family, I started singing at a very young age. I can honestly say that I am happiest when I am singing praises to my awesome God and leading worship. I can also sit at home singing in a room all by myself, and feel so close to God. I am so moved by music. I am moved by lyrics and melodies. I am moved by harmonies and emotion. Music just gets to me. I love pouring my heart out in song. One of my ambitions in life is to create music. I love writing lyrics--and creating melodies in my head. Sometimes I think this "goal" of mine is pretty ridiculous. Kind of like me saying I want to be an astronaut or something. But no matter what, I want to always use my passion for Christ. He gave me this passion in the first place--why not use it to glorify Him. Here are some lyrics by Kim Walker (who may be my role model) who pretty much sums up my passion... "Can't hold my love back from You. I can't hold my love back from You. I gotta sing, I gotta sing, sing my love...Can't hold my praise back from You. Can't hold my praise back from You. I gotta shout, I gotta shout, shout my love." Think about what your own passions are. Are you using them for the glory of God or are you hiding them? I would love for everyone who reads this to comment on what their passion is. I think it would be interesting to see how unique we all are, but how we all have a part to play in God's kingdom! Be blessed!! Jenn

Giving it ALL to God...

2009-09-14T13:45:00.002-04:00

I know we have all heard people say, "I am giving it all to God" in reference to worries and fear of the unknown things in our lives or to things that we realize we cannot control. I have used this phrase many times in my own life, maybe not fully being truthful when I said it or even thought it. It is a nice thought that I can take all of the worries I have--which lately I have had a lot of worries--and just hand them over to God. I know in my heart and in my head that He is able to take all of that "junk" that is burdening me and I can rest in the fact that He will take care of me. But why is it so hard to truly "give it all to God"? I have been asking myself this question a lot lately. Maybe it is hard for us to let someone else have control over our lives. In all of my thinking, I have realized that this is pretty ridiculous. It is ridiculous for me to believe that I can take care of myself--by myself. Why wouldn't I want the God of this Universe in control of my small, seemingly unimportant life? Yesterday, I was at the church where David's dad is the pastor. He said one simple thing that made me realize that I am not handing my burdens over to the Lord. He said this, "Give it to God, and don't take it back!" I felt like this comment may have been totally directed at me. I am so glad that God speaks through other people to get our attention. I sometimes pray that God will take my worries away--and pray that I will completely trust Him, and then it seems that a few days--or hours--later I am back at it again. Back at worrying and fearing and stressing about things I have no control over. Last night, I prayed from the depth of my heart that God would truly take those things away--and I meant it. I wanted Him to have them. He loves me so much that He will take those things from me if I have faith. I think I am relearning the meaning of "giving it to God" and relearning what it means to have faith. I am loving the fact that "God has already ordained all of my days before one of them came to be" Why would I ever worry when He already has everything figured out for me--and He does want GOOD for me? Never forget that God is good. He is so much bigger than all of our worries or fears--our heartaches or disappointments. Give it all to Him--and don't ever take it back. Be Blessed! Jenn

Confessions of a Newlywed...

2009-09-08T17:19:00.002-04:00

Well, I have been married for almost 2 1/2 months, and it has been glorious. I have wanted to be a wife since boys didn't seem so "icky" anymore. Okay maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I can honestly say that I have prayed for David for a very long time. I remember thinking some days before David came into the picture that I was never going to "find" the man of my dreams. But the thing is, I didn't have to "find" David, God brought him to me and created him for me. Amazing. There has never been a doubt that David is my soulmate. He knows me better than anyone and somehow loves me past all of my annoying flaws.

Being a wife is great. BUT it isn't always easy. I have seen a lot in myself that needs to change since I have been married. I have noticed things in myself that I have never noticed before. Like the fact that I am way more independent than I knew. Or that I am stubborn. Or wait, that I am pretty selfish on some days. The list could really go on. I guess we all have those things about ourselves that aren't so pleasant. Thankfully, David doesn't want to disown me, and loves me despite those "icky" things about me.

I was reading Proverbs 31 the other day, and ended up thinking that I am a long way from being the woman described in that passage. But that is okay. I am so glad that God gave all of us women Proverbs 31 to outline what it means to be a Godly wife. It gives us all something to aim for. Here are the two verses that always just get me...

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."-- vs. 25

"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praised her." - vs. 28

What an amazing thing to shoot for. I always told David that I wanted him and our future children to see God in me. To see Christ in my roles as a wife and a friend. How rewarding that would be!

The relationship of husband and wife is so special. I trust David with my life. I love being able to be here when he gets home. I love being able to encourage him when he is stressed out. I love being able to laugh with him about dumb things that no one else would probably think was funny. I love having deep Godly conversations with him and I love seeing what God is doing with his life. Ultimately, I love the blessing of being his wife.

Be blessed!

Jenn

Jumbled Thoughts...

2009-09-02T14:44:00.003-04:00

I really wanted to sit down today and write something meaningful and something that had a point, but as I sit here, my mind is all jumbled. The last week of my life has been like an emotional roller coaster--and for some reason I feel like I am stuck on the ride. Lately, I have not quite felt like myself. Last week I lost my grandfather to a horrible disease. I listened to my mom's voice on the phone when she called to tell me the news--and wished that I could do something to stop her pain and sadness. I watched my mom and her two sisters mourn the loss of their father, but also rejoice in knowing that he is with the Lord now and he is perfect with no disease or pain. As I listened to them reminence about their father's life, I remembered that life is temporary and what we do here matters. I really want my life to count for something. I want my God to be proud of me. At this time in my life, I am really questioning what exactly my purpose is. There have been times in my life where I have been sure of what God is wanting me to do, and there have been times, like now, where I don't have a clue. I feel like God has really been working on my heart and spirit, and I am so anxious to see what He is up to. But it is hard waiting. It is so hard not knowing. I really want to do something great for God's Kingdom and make a difference that really matters. Our world is a scary place--it terrifies me to see how Satan has a hold on some people--how human life doesn't seem to matter--how someone can steal someone's life without a single thought--how God is mocked instead of being feared. The world needs people who love the Lord to stand for Him. To love those who are hurting. To pray for those who are lost. I want God to use me to change the world in some small way. I want to be confident that He will provide me with the strength to not follow what the world wants, but what He wants. I know that this post is slightly incohesive--just a whole bunch of thoughts, but I think it is important to share what's going on in your heart--whether good or bad, confusing or clear. No matter what, God is good. Period. Let His joy always fill your life--no matter what kind of roller coaster you may be on. Seek His Goodness-- Jenn

Listen. And Follow.

2009-08-27T17:48:00.003-04:00

I know I just posted yesterday--but this just can't wait. Last night I had somewhat of a spiritual breakthough--well actually it was more of a spiritual awakening. It was already kind of late, and I laid down to go to sleep. As I always do, I was praying before I attempted to sleep. There were so many people that I needed and wanted to pray for--so many people on my heart. I began praying for someone in my life who is very lost and depressed--sick and confused. As I laid there, I felt incredibly burdened. I kept thinking about how this person had lost all hope and joy, and what that must feel like. Now the Lord wasn't literally speaking outloud to me, but His spirit was urging me to get up and write a note of encouragement to this person. I couldn't deny that God wanted me to do something because it was important. As I began to write this letter, emotion poured out of me. I couldn't contain my sadness for this person. I prayed that God would give me His words that would somehow affect this person's heart. The words began to flow from my pen to paper, and the tears flowed from my eyes. As I was writing, I was thinking that this wasn't the first time God had laid this person on my heart. It wasn't the first time that He urged me to do something to help this person. This was the first time I was actually doing something. This led me to think about how many times I have felt the Holy Spirit directing me to write someone a note or call up a friend who was hurting or even say a few words of encouragement to a stranger and I tried to IGNORE it! Laziness or fear or something else got in the way. My heart felt like it was literally breaking last night. God convicted me and broke me. My heart ached for people who were hurting and who were lost. I came to the realization that God wants to use me to reach other people--and so many times I have just ignored the HONOR of sharing who HE is with others. I was humbled last night and plan on making a lot of changes in my heart. My life is not about me at all--and I all too often make it that way. Needless to say, I was up most of the night thinking about so many things that God was revealing to me and thankfully I have an amazing husband who lended his ear to listen to how God was working on me. I encourage everyone to follow those urges or things that God lays on your heart to do. You never know how He will use even the smallest gesture to change someone's life. Be blessed- Jenn

He Picks Up the Pieces...

2009-08-26T19:16:00.003-04:00

After my last blog on sin, I have continued to think about how sin can destroy us. You know, like most people, there have been times in my life where my sinful nature took over. I know the difference between right and wrong, but sometimes it is easier to take the wrong path--make the wrong decision. I think sometimes it is easy to become almost "immune" to our own sin. After a while, it doesn't seem so bad. It gets easier and easier to sin. We supress our guilt, and try to justify the filth in our lives. There have been times in my life where sin caused a divide between me and my Savior. The rift got bigger and bigger until I felt like I could never reach God. I began to miss God's presence in my life. I lost the joy that only came from obedience to Christ. The beautiful thing is that God always calls me back to Himself. Despite what I have done or how far I have strayed from Him, He brings me back into His presence--and there is no better place to be than there. He breaks me--and I repent. Repentance hurts. Knowing that I have done things displeasing to the very God whose love is perfect hurts. I believe its that pain that sometimes makes us cling so severely to our Savior. He loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. He picks us up and puts us back together. We don't deserve that kind of love. I love the book of Hosea--its all about God's patience with us and how He restores us and loves us despite how many times we flee from Him. One verse I have always loved is this: "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces, but He WILL HEAL us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds." -Hosea 6:1 Sin does not go unpunished. There will be pain and guilt--but the Lord will restore us because He loves us. Be encouraged that God loves us past our sin. Nothing we do will ever make God stop loving us. Cling to the Lord--and strive for a life of holiness. Be blessed! Jenn

Hating Sin--Loving Righteousness

2009-08-19T16:20:00.003-04:00

Today I read something that sparked a thought in my head. The thought was about sin. Sin--that thing that no one really wants to discuss or think about. The thing that separates us from our Creator. The thing that we fall into daily. Sin--something we should hate, but do we? I thought back to a conversation I had with my best friend Merry. This conversation took place probably over a year or two ago, but something she said has always stuck with me. Merry was discussing some of the things that God was revealing to her--and she said she was thinking about the sin in her life, and wondered if she really hated her sin? It's something I think about quite often. Because I love God with all of my heart, I strive to life a holy life, but I am guilty of sin. But do I really hate it? Do I despise it? God hates sin. Plain and simple. I want to hate sin. I want to hate the sin in my own life. I want to hate it so much that it completely changes who I am. It is so easy to sin--we are human--and not even realize we are doing it. It is easy to sin--knowing that God is going to forgive us if we repent. It is easy sometimes to go against what the Holy Spirit is telling us. I am so thankful for a merciful Lord who gave His Son to pay my ransom. When I sin, it hurts me ultimately. It drives a wedge in this relationship I have with Christ. It is true that God will always love me--but I want to show God how much I love Him by following His commands and guidance. I challenge you to think about the sin in your own life--how is it benefiting you? Newsflash: It isn't. I challenge you to begin truly hating your sin. Choose to love holiness and truth. "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by the Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21 Be blessed! Jenn

GPS Watch...

2009-08-18T18:23:00.002-04:00

So, my husband got a package in the mail yesterday. It was the GPS watch he had ordered. I had never heard of one of these before, all I knew was that it was big and ugly. David got it to help him train for his marathon in January. I soon learned that this watch did a lot of cool things. Obviously, it tracks where you are, tells you the distance you have gone, and reads your heartrate. Pretty great! I began to think how great it would be if we had a type of GPS to tell us where to go in life- to tell us "how much farther" we had to go to reach our destination. Something to tell us ultimately what our destination was. To give us directions when we are lost. I have times when I wonder where in the world my life is going. I wonder if I am taking the right roads--or if I am going to end up in the wrong place. The simple truth is this: God is our navigator--His word is our map. The Holy Spirit within us guides us to where we need to end up. The amazing truth is this: No matter if we take the right road or the wrong--God is there. He is there to pick us up--and shows us how to start from where we are and who we are to get back on track--back on the road that leads to His glory. Be encouraged that as Christians--we are on the road to eternal life with an amazing God! Think about the trip you are on--and make it count for something great--someone Great. "I will give you EVERY place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses." -Joshua 1:3 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9 Be Blessed- Jenn

Flag Football and Selena...

2009-08-12T10:36:00.002-04:00

Last night I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep. This of course is the time I usually do the most thinking. I wasn't too tired last night, so instead of being frustrated about not being able to sleep, I let my mind wander. I love how in your mind, you can be thinking one thing and it leads to something else, which leads to something else...and the next thing you know its 3:00 in the morning. I started off last night thinking about the weather (why? I don't know...). This led me to thinking about fall time...and that led me to think about my joyous time at Union University. I loved the fall time in Jackson, Tennessee. The trees were beautiful, the air was cool, the sky was blue and clear. I can remember wanting to be outside all the time. Fall was great because that meant FLAG FOOTBALL with my awesome sorority sisters. Flag football was one of my favorite memories from my college years. A lot of laughs and sore muscles. As I thought more about college, I began to think about how many good times I had, but I also had a lot of tough times. Heartbreak, stress, being unsure of my purpose in life, missing my family. But there were always a few friends who were always there for me...no matter what. When my heart was breaking, they were on the floor crying with me. When I was stressed out, encouraging notes were written to brighten my day or a hug was given just because. When I was confused about life, they prayed with me and stayed up until all hours of the night talking with me. These friends were so much more than friends, they became my family. Through it all, they were there. I knew they would always have my back! The greatest thing I got from thinking back to college was that God was so faithful in answering one of my biggest prayers. Before I left for college, I prayed that God will provide strong, faithseeking women in my life to be my friends. And honestly, He went above and beyond by giving me girls who will be my friends for the rest of my life. These friends of mine--I love you and cherish your friendship. Our meeting was truly God ordained. Take the time to let your friends know you love them and appreciate them. It's something we don't do enough. -Jenn

Ugly Wallpaper...

2009-08-10T12:45:00.004-04:00

My husband and I are renting a great house. The only problem is that the bathrooms have the ugliest wall paper I have ever seen. Everytime I am in the bathroom, I can't help but think that I am being flashed back to the 70's. Eww. Because it is not OUR house, we can't really do anything about it. When we moved in, the bathroom had a light pink frilly shower curtain. We decided it had to go. This was our first attempt to transform the bathroom. We went to Target to try and find some kind of shower curtain that would possibly BLEND in with our horrid wall paper. We were successful in finding a classy, modern one. When I got home, I began to put it up in hopes that it would make the bathroom look completely different. My high expectations were quickly shattered. I could not seem to get past the hideous wall paper. Then I began to think, at least I have a bathroom and a home. It doesn't always matter what it looks like, but what it's function is. All this to say...sometimes we have to look past the ugly things in life--we have to look for the beauty in the not so beautiful. :) Jenn

A Few Thoughts...

2009-08-09T13:10:00.003-04:00

Well, if any of you know me, you know that I recently got married to the most amazing man in the world and moved to a brand new town. I am currently looking for a job, but haven't quite found one yet. Since my husband is a full time student, this leaves me with a lot of time on my hands--which leads to a lot of thinking. I know that all of my thoughts aren't great epiphanies, but I thought I would start a blog to share what goes on in my crazy brain. If anything, maybe someone will get a good laugh : ) Today's thoughts are a bit on the more serious side, I guess. I just ordered Francis Chan's book Crazy Love to read during all of my "free time." Why not do something productive? I began reading the Preface last night while my husband was studying. There was one line that struck a chord in my heart. It said this: "We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God."--- Francis Chan I thought this statement was simple, but brilliant. You know, as Christians we are called to live HOLY lives, not only because it betters our relationships with our Father, but because we are the ones who are called to represent Christ to others. People watch. And they listen. I am the first to admit that I mess up a lot. Thank God for His mercy. But I am challenged to really watch what I say or do, not only for myself, but for others. The thought that something I may do could turn someone off to Christ would devastate me. There is a reason that we are called to live like Christ. If we do, people will see that God is a God of love and mercy and grace. And that would be hard to resist. My challenge to you and to myself is that we love hard, pray hard, and fight hard to win hearts for Jesus. Paul says in Acts 10, "Do not cause anyone to stumble...For I am not seeking my own good, but the good of many so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." --Jenn