Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Stripped Away...

I haven't blogged in a really long time. I could say that I have been too busy lately, but that would be a lie. I could say that things in my life were going so great that blogging took a backseat, but that would be a lie, too. The truth of the matter is that I haven't been inspired. At all. I have laid in bed the last few nights thinking about exactly what I wanted to write. This post today is serving as a way of getting myself out of this deep, dark pit I have been dwelling in for a long time now. There is something freeing about getting your thoughts written down. The last few months have been...can I say "hell"...because that is what it has felt like. There were some things that have gone on in my life that have caused me to truly understand what it means to be heartbroken and hurt. I mean I have been hurt before, but never has my heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. And to add to my personal dilemmas, so many of the people who I love so dearly have been dealing with intense pain. It is hard to understand. It is hard to even begin to move forward when you are stuck in a place where everything seems pointless. That is the place I have been in. For the first time in my life, I have been in a place where I have started to question everything. My faith. My trust in people. My trust in myself. God's plan. The point of my life. I have questioned the significance of everything. I know in my head that we are to trust in the Lord regardless of what is being thrown our way, and I will be the first to remind other people of that who are hurting. But let me tell you, when you are the one who is in pain, it is incredibly hard to cling to that. Where I have gone incredibly wrong is that I have somehow decided that if I become numb to everything going on around me, I will be okay. And everyday I pretend that everything is going wonderfully, life is amazing, and that I am STRONG. The truth is I am broken into a million pieces. I am stripped down to nothingness. And I am tired of acting like I am "Super Christian." And now that I have finally admitted this to myself, I feel God again. I feel Hope again. I feel like God is doing a BIG thing in my life and the lives of my family and friends. I truly believe that God loves us most when we are nothing. His strength is made evident in my weakness. And I am as weak as I have ever been. I know that I have a long road ahead of me. There are still a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of "whys" and "what-ifs". There is still pain in my own heart, and all around me. But I finally feel Hope again. I am excited to see what God is going to do. And I trust that He is going to do something. And soon. He is moving. And it is going to be epic. Be blessed, my friends! Jenn

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful, Jen. Honest and authentic. I, too, have recently been at the place you speak of. Our circumstances may be different, but I too was stripped. Never before in my life have I questioned everything like I have this past year - who I am, who He is, purpose, faith. My days were full of pain and depression - I was spiraling deeper and deeper into a pit. But God. But God was working. He still is. I would like to say I'm completely fine now, and all of my questions have been answered, but I am right where God has me - a work in progress. I will probably never have all the answers, but like you said, He is moving! Cling to that hope that only comes from Him! You are an encouragement!!!

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