Jumbled Thoughts...

I really wanted to sit down today and write something meaningful and something that had a point, but as I sit here, my mind is all jumbled. The last week of my life has been like an emotional roller coaster--and for some reason I feel like I am stuck on the ride. Lately, I have not quite felt like myself. Last week I lost my grandfather to a horrible disease. I listened to my mom's voice on the phone when she called to tell me the news--and wished that I could do something to stop her pain and sadness. I watched my mom and her two sisters mourn the loss of their father, but also rejoice in knowing that he is with the Lord now and he is perfect with no disease or pain. As I listened to them reminence about their father's life, I remembered that life is temporary and what we do here matters. I really want my life to count for something. I want my God to be proud of me. At this time in my life, I am really questioning what exactly my purpose is. There have been times in my life where I have been sure of what God is wanting me to do, and there have been times, like now, where I don't have a clue. I feel like God has really been working on my heart and spirit, and I am so anxious to see what He is up to. But it is hard waiting. It is so hard not knowing. I really want to do something great for God's Kingdom and make a difference that really matters. Our world is a scary place--it terrifies me to see how Satan has a hold on some people--how human life doesn't seem to matter--how someone can steal someone's life without a single thought--how God is mocked instead of being feared. The world needs people who love the Lord to stand for Him. To love those who are hurting. To pray for those who are lost. I want God to use me to change the world in some small way. I want to be confident that He will provide me with the strength to not follow what the world wants, but what He wants. I know that this post is slightly incohesive--just a whole bunch of thoughts, but I think it is important to share what's going on in your heart--whether good or bad, confusing or clear. No matter what, God is good. Period. Let His joy always fill your life--no matter what kind of roller coaster you may be on. Seek His Goodness-- Jenn